September 2, 1949 Exhausted....

I am at my wits end. I am exhausted, worn to a proverbial frazzle. There is no sign of relief any time soon.

For the last few weeks I have been working in the South Pacific, trying to restore the viking women to their families. Only time will tell if we have been sucessful there... hopefully more sucessful than I have been at home.


I managed to hurt Conrad's feelings. I was tired and lonely, and writing to him about the vikings... and I let other people's poisons creep into my mind. I asked Conrad if he had anything to do with the vikings' disapearance...

I got a letter back from him. I could almost hear the welling hurt in his words, pain dripping from the wound I made in my carelessness. I told him once that if he said he did not do it I would believe in him... and I failed.

I have tried to make ammends... I hope he forgives me.



Then there is Kendall, my headstrong, heart-strong future sister-in-law... While we were in Guam, I noticed that Linnea was uneasy about Kendall's friendship with Oliver. Silly, I know. There is nothing going on between the two of them romantically... but Linney was having what I thought were "new-wife jitters". I thought maybe I could help out a bit... so I invited Kendall to come to Rockford with me for two weeks. Two Weeks!

I thought this would give the newlyweds a couple weeks to be together in their new home.... wihtout Linney worrying about Kendall. But Kendall would not leave. She told me she had to stay, to watch over Jimmy. She acted like I was asking her to leave Oliver alone forever, to leave and no longer live there, instead of just going for a short trip...

For goodness sake, it was only two weeks.

Appearently, however, while Kendall cannot possibly be bothered to come to Rockford with me, she can go off to Europe. Oliver told me she just up and left for Europe. So perhaps it is just me. So I stayed in the South Pacific, keeping my nose out of it all.

And then Linney had a bad turn.


Linney was in the hospital. They had operated on her brain to relieve the pressure of a bad concusion. Oh God, my poor baby sister... I took Redeye flights, and even rode with a cargo plane, trying to get there... but I could not make it back to be there for the surgury. I never slept, the whole time. I was desperate to get to my sister.

I staggered into the hospital two nights ago... to find that my sister... the smartest woman I know... could not remember any of us. She was on the verge of remembering, but something was holding her back. I scanned her, but there was no psychic block on her... she had simply shut herself down, to heal. Oliver was trying to help her.

Oliver was going to set off one of the triggers in Linnea. I thought perhaps that might be too radical. I wanted to bring her over more gently. Kendall had channelled energy that her Danial was sending to Linney, and it was beginning to work... I thought that some simple thought triggers would bring Linney out. I began to sing then, old lullabies that Daddy used to sing to us. It was working, and Linney was starting to come out of her self-induced amnesia. I guess it was not working fast enough for Oliver. He went in... I culd feel it... I tried to tell him not to, not yet... I trust Oliver with my life, and my sisters... but I did not want a setback.

The next thing I know, Kendall has moved across the room, by Oliver, and I can FEEL her glaring at me, challanging me... as if I was doing something to harm Oliver, or even working against him! I was not. But I could feel it, tangible in the air. One does not need to have vision to see.

I remember feeling that she was interferring where perhaps she should not be... Oliver is my student, after all. So later, on our way home, I asked her about it.

Appearently she thinks I am some sort of idiot... that Oliver needs to learn his maximum capacity in order to face down the enemies... she does not realise that Oliver is fine with operating at maximum... what he needs at this stage is to learn how much is right, at which time. In otherwords, control. And I am teaching him that. And she will damage his teaching if she countermands it. And my sister's brain is nowhere for anyone to be "practicing". I asked her not to interfere in his training, and she says I am not doing it right, and she knows what he needs better than I. She has no idea...

I do not know what to do. I don't know if Kendall resents me, or thinks I think she is "chasing" Oliver... why she would think that when I have actively tried to help her and Daniel, to the point of conspiring to bring them together as often as possible...

I am growing ever more weary of being told off. First Linney, then Kendall... who next? I guess they are tired of having me in their lives. I guess the fact that I love them makes little difference...

If they want me to get out of their lives... fine. I give up. I'll go now. I will not actively "interfere" with them anymore... just be polite, and social when needed... and work on the vikings, and the protectors, and saving what I can of life as we like it... until I can marry my beloved Scotsman and disapear with him.

Goodnight journal. I'm so tired....